Doin the small town big

Saturday was an adventure of adventures and it all started right outside of adventureland in altoona. I went into Walmart to get a protein bar, some magazines and some gas cause i had a long night ahead of me. Things got off on the wrong foot at walmart where i ran into a non reader who was working the cash register. Took 2 people to figure out what my coupon said because these people chose not too read in life. So i get out of there and i meet at a hotel in plesent hill where i hop in Devin Carters car along with another superstar of the squared circle Gage Octane. Folks we were on a road trip to West Chester Iowa. Little did we know the madness that lied ahead of us.

Ok so the three of us are driving to West Chester for the CEW Wrestling show where these 2 where having a match for the Belt. I was saying the whole way that this is crazy to heated rivals riding together. What if some hick fan saw this? Anyways we drive along telling stories of grandjour and we stop at Wendys in Oskaloosa. I got the usual spicy chicken it was a 6 on a 10 scale. Pretty so so. We finally arrive in West Chester a few hours before the show they go over things i sat down watched played Tetris and whatnot. Little did i know i was about too see something special.

I suddenly look up from my game of tetris and i notice a retarded fan was in the ring. Im not 100 percent sure he was a retard but it kinda looked that way. This guy was pushing 300 and may have been over that weight. He was clowining around the ring doing his best Warrior and Hogan impressions, while i stared on in awe. Little did i know he was part of the show. All of a sudden this dude runs into the ring with nothing but a speedo and a lucha mask on. I could not believe my eyes and i dont think the fans could either. After that i needed a break.

The break i chose was in the form of a walking taco. God i love me a walking taco especially from Hilton where they are top notch. Sadly this one was no where near top notch cause it was oozing with sour cream one of my arch rivals. I picked around it and chucked it in the trash and headed for the bathroom to take a piss. I go in and of course there is a 15 man deep line for the pisser and im next to some 20ish year old dude that thinks its cool to sing Nickelback songs in line at the top of his lungs. Really not suprising because after all im in Hawkeye country and i think 90 percent of Hawk fans may be inbred.

The matches were pretty good sans a few (looking at you Hot Karl) and Devin Carter and Gage Octane put on a good match. After the show it was off to another small town called Keota Iowa to a bar called the roost. We get to this place which was your regular small town hickish bar with Tombstone pizza on the menu at 6 bucks a pop however the oven was busted so there would be none of that. I sat around with the wrestlers and got a lot of praise and a beer bought for me from various fans that figured i was a wrestler. Devin Carter was ready to drink himself silly probably cause he had a knot on his head that was growing by the minuite. By this time it was about midnight and Octane and i were hungry and ready to get back on the road home. We decided Devin was not gonna drive his car becuase we thought he was half in the bag and there were 2 coppers hanging outside the bar. Little did we know we would be meeting up with said coppers in a few.

So we were leaving beautiful Keota iowa and the min. we get outta town the cops pull us over. I felt like Referee Danny Davis in the back seat getting pulled over in a car with bitter rivals the Iron Sheik and Jim Duggan in the late 80s. How would we explain why bitter rivals Devin Carter and Gage Octane were in the same car? Luckily it did not come to that, the officer pulled us over because Devin had a tailight out. The officer was nice enough to send us on our way with a warning. We finally get to Oskaloosa to get some food and less then a mile from the mecca that is Taco Johns we see a cop car and what does that cop do? You guessed it pulls us over. He rolls up to the window and Octane cuts him off almost immedietly to say yeah our tailights out. We get another warning and finally hit Tj's for some shitty quesadillas and some splended soft shell tacos. We ride out the rest of the way home with coast to coast on the radio without another police interuption, and thats all i have to say about that


edit: The highlight of the night though was Octanes spot on impressions. He did a 3 way call that was one of the funniest things i have ever heard in my entire life.