Its Official

Sadly Bas Rutten has decided to call it a career too many injurys have cut him down and his comeback. We can only hope the Shamrock brothers can pick up the slack

The Road to Denver (Denver Part 1)

Monday morning i awake at 6 am in Des Moines Iowa, knowing my day is gonna be hell. Of couse we had a snow storm late sunday and into monday morning and i have to go to Omaha to catch my plane to Denver. So i head out at a little before 7 to get to the Omaha airport by 12 noon. I first stop for gas and what do i see but the newest and greatest candy bar of all time is now out. Its calledthe Reeses Crunch and man is it amazing. It starts with my favorite candy bar the 5th avenue then ontop of that they put peanut butter and nuts and wrap it all in sweet chocolate. Its the most amazing thing i have ever tasted and got me through my drive to Omaha. I saw countless vehicles in the ditch on my 3 hr drive which is normally 2 hrs but the roads were 100 percent snow/ice covered so it really sucked my balls pretty hard. But i made it right about 10 o clock.
I hunkered down in the airport and read my book and enjoyed a cinnabun (which has reopened at jordan creek mall by the way). My plane left on time and i had to sit next to the lady from hell. Being a bigger dude i had hardly any room in my seat especially in my shoulders which protruded into the lady next to me so being on an isle i leaned over into the isle so she would not be uncomfortable. Well this lady decided that she needs to have her legs in my area and her elbows in my area. She would hit me constintly on the flight with out so much as a sorry. Then when they attendent went to collect our garbage what does this lady do but hold her garbage right over my book for about 2 minuites waiting for the attendent to take it. I wanted to rip this womens eyes out and eat them so she would never get them back. I finally arrived at the airport.
At the airport we all picked our luggage up and waited about 10 min for the shuttle van. We get in this van and the driver wanted to know what we were gonna do for fun in Denver. I immmedietly said uh Casa Bonita! He looked at me with eyes ill never forget and said there are 2 things us Coloradians dont do 1 we dont drink coors light and 2 we dont go to casa bonita. He then tore my heart down dogging on the Casa the whole ride to the hotel. What a dick.
At the hotel we decided to get an early dinner i ordered chicken tenders but my waiter Enrique from Durango Mexico said no you order chicken tenders. wings, and cheese sticks for 2 dollars more much better deal. So i said what the heck ok. I get my food and there are no chicken tenders im like what the hell. Enrique then says were out of chicken tenders and walks away. What a guy. We hung around the hotel for awhile and then i decided to go to bed cause we had to get up at 7 am for meetings the next day.
I awake just starving and i could not wait to get to the breakfast buffet we had waiting for us before the meeting. I get down there and i shit you not there were strawberries and donuts and oj. What a shitty breakfast, where was my 7 eggs, oatmeal and bacon? Fuck i was pissed and ate a donut. The first day of meeting was all about how to use the computer which apperently 4 people have never seen before. We no joke spent 2 hrs on how to check your email and how to work the recycling bin. Finally lunch hit and boy was it a lunch to remember.
Lunch was at the hotel and this time it was the real deal buffet. I ate 4 chicken breasts, 1 piece of steak, rice, winter mix and 2 pieces of cheescake. The whole group was in shock how much i had ate, but with the shitty breakfast i was ravished. Lunch had an amazing moment where 2 workers who were 80 and 72 who had been married for 54 years decided it was time to get a divorce. All this right before our eyes. She told him she was leaving him because she was sick of his shit and sick of taking care of him cause i guess he just had another heart attack or something. Shit was pretty crazy but what i wanna know is why are these 2 not retired and why they hell are they doing my job? I cant imagine them being able to do anything hell they could not do anything on the computer. All together it was a shitty waste of time and i need to get a new job cause im bored to death with this one.

This guy looks like a Terrorist! (Denver part 2)

Thats what the Denver police and security officals thought when they saw my mug in line at the airport security checkpoint. I was waiting in line next people i work with all 40-50 yr olds or so one by one we go through the line but then all of a sudden i hear you come here, i ignored it and kept walking thinking they were not talking to me but boy was i ever wrong. So the Denver Cop and some old ass security gaurd named Cleet of all things pull me to the side and take me to a lil room to the side. Im like shit what did i do? They take me into this room make me take off my hat, shoes, socks, empty pockets, take belt off and they also made me open my brand new laptop out of the box and open all the shit that comes with it. They sent all that shit through the computer deal and made me go into this phonebooth type room. This thing blew air all over me for some reason then i had to wait for the green light to go on so i could get out. After i got out they wanded me and let me put my shit on and go on my way. What a time. Everyone said what did you do? I said i guess they thought i had a bomb. Good thing nobody high up heard the bomb comment or id probably had a hand up my ass.

Next up me and another lady that had the same flight decided to get some eats because we both had 25 dollars left to eat on the companys dime. We went to Wolfgang pucks where i spent 23 dollars on a bbq chicken pizza, a chicken ceaser salad and a pepsi. I then stared obviously and creepy at one of the hottest women i have ever seen with some amazing fake breasts. She looked like Tera Patrick. After a good hour she left and i decided it was time for us to go sit by our gate. We sat there for an hour and low and behold they switched our gate with 10 minuites left before we board. We had to do a mad dash to make it on time.

The plane ride home was shitty bumpy and my ears popped like a mother fucker. I finally reatched Omaha airport at a little before 7. I waited for my luggage took a piss then had to wait for my damn airport shuttle. That came i got to my car paid my parking shit and was on my way when i hit a detour and had to drive all the way around the airport. I finally reached home about 10 that night a 15 hr day. Man that sucked. Ill post the first part of the stories tomorrow or something so be on the look out it will be about travel, denver, the greatest candy bar of all time, and Casa Bonita

A story that will go down in history

I have a big idea come next week when im in Colorado. I dont wanna jinx it so ill wait till i get back to see if it went down how i hope. It could be called the great chicken nugget caper of 07 if it goes down smooth. Ill keep ya updated

On my way out

Folks just an FYI that im leaving for Colorado soon and wont be back for a week so dont expect any updates. Hopefully i dont get snowed in or something like that when i drive to the omaha airport. My real main reason for going is so i can go to Casa Bonita i cant wait to see the cliff divers while im balls deep in all you can eat tacos.

Eliptical Ver. 3.0

Yesterday i dropped 300 dollars on another eliptical. I have yet to use it. We should probably all pray that it does not break, if it does you will hear about it folks.

Doin the small town big

Saturday was an adventure of adventures and it all started right outside of adventureland in altoona. I went into Walmart to get a protein bar, some magazines and some gas cause i had a long night ahead of me. Things got off on the wrong foot at walmart where i ran into a non reader who was working the cash register. Took 2 people to figure out what my coupon said because these people chose not too read in life. So i get out of there and i meet at a hotel in plesent hill where i hop in Devin Carters car along with another superstar of the squared circle Gage Octane. Folks we were on a road trip to West Chester Iowa. Little did we know the madness that lied ahead of us.

Ok so the three of us are driving to West Chester for the CEW Wrestling show where these 2 where having a match for the Belt. I was saying the whole way that this is crazy to heated rivals riding together. What if some hick fan saw this? Anyways we drive along telling stories of grandjour and we stop at Wendys in Oskaloosa. I got the usual spicy chicken it was a 6 on a 10 scale. Pretty so so. We finally arrive in West Chester a few hours before the show they go over things i sat down watched played Tetris and whatnot. Little did i know i was about too see something special.

I suddenly look up from my game of tetris and i notice a retarded fan was in the ring. Im not 100 percent sure he was a retard but it kinda looked that way. This guy was pushing 300 and may have been over that weight. He was clowining around the ring doing his best Warrior and Hogan impressions, while i stared on in awe. Little did i know he was part of the show. All of a sudden this dude runs into the ring with nothing but a speedo and a lucha mask on. I could not believe my eyes and i dont think the fans could either. After that i needed a break.

The break i chose was in the form of a walking taco. God i love me a walking taco especially from Hilton where they are top notch. Sadly this one was no where near top notch cause it was oozing with sour cream one of my arch rivals. I picked around it and chucked it in the trash and headed for the bathroom to take a piss. I go in and of course there is a 15 man deep line for the pisser and im next to some 20ish year old dude that thinks its cool to sing Nickelback songs in line at the top of his lungs. Really not suprising because after all im in Hawkeye country and i think 90 percent of Hawk fans may be inbred.

The matches were pretty good sans a few (looking at you Hot Karl) and Devin Carter and Gage Octane put on a good match. After the show it was off to another small town called Keota Iowa to a bar called the roost. We get to this place which was your regular small town hickish bar with Tombstone pizza on the menu at 6 bucks a pop however the oven was busted so there would be none of that. I sat around with the wrestlers and got a lot of praise and a beer bought for me from various fans that figured i was a wrestler. Devin Carter was ready to drink himself silly probably cause he had a knot on his head that was growing by the minuite. By this time it was about midnight and Octane and i were hungry and ready to get back on the road home. We decided Devin was not gonna drive his car becuase we thought he was half in the bag and there were 2 coppers hanging outside the bar. Little did we know we would be meeting up with said coppers in a few.

So we were leaving beautiful Keota iowa and the min. we get outta town the cops pull us over. I felt like Referee Danny Davis in the back seat getting pulled over in a car with bitter rivals the Iron Sheik and Jim Duggan in the late 80s. How would we explain why bitter rivals Devin Carter and Gage Octane were in the same car? Luckily it did not come to that, the officer pulled us over because Devin had a tailight out. The officer was nice enough to send us on our way with a warning. We finally get to Oskaloosa to get some food and less then a mile from the mecca that is Taco Johns we see a cop car and what does that cop do? You guessed it pulls us over. He rolls up to the window and Octane cuts him off almost immedietly to say yeah our tailights out. We get another warning and finally hit Tj's for some shitty quesadillas and some splended soft shell tacos. We ride out the rest of the way home with coast to coast on the radio without another police interuption, and thats all i have to say about that


edit: The highlight of the night though was Octanes spot on impressions. He did a 3 way call that was one of the funniest things i have ever heard in my entire life.

Words can not Express how much i love this

This is truly the greatest thing ever. I thought the Sheik was on Fire on Brian Blair but now he wants a piece of Kramer. He respects George and Ellean and the big boss man jerry seinfeld but Kramer thats a diff story. You gotta see this one

Fuck an Eliptical

No really fuck this thing. As i type this my heart is broken. I bought this Eliptical at k's merchandise the other day 80% off cause they were going outta business so i dropped 200 bucks to get this baby. All was cool and Monday Terry and i put the damn thing together. So Tue night im getting ready to ride this thing and 10 minuites into the workout i hear a brutal snap crackle and pop then another one. I open the fucker up and 2 of the wheel gears totally snapped off. This is not Terry or myselfs fault cause this comes pre installed on it. I was so pissed off and still am. I have a 90 day warranty supposedly on this thing. I called the company up and was on hold forever so finally i decided to leave a message and they will call me back the next day supposedly. I have a bad feeling i may be screwed on this. If i have to send the damn thing back to them i have to pay the shipping which would be a small fortune. Fuck im pissed about this. This is the 2nd eliptical thats has shit out on me the first being right when i hit the 1000 mile mark on it. My excercise bike is alson on its last legs. Do they think people dont use these things? They should last at least 5k miles or more

Fuck it all

Edit: After calling them up and pulling a Forrest Griffin on them they are sending me my money back because the part can not be replaced